The day Inspector Helen Corbett stole my bike

By June 22, 2011Diary

Inspector Corbett stole my bicycle, originally uploaded by benaston.

I’ve had bikes stolen a few times. I’m all to familiar with the sinking feeling you get when you realise that either your bike has grown wings and flown away or someone has taken it from you and forgotten to tell you.

But whilst I’m familiar with bikes going walkies, yesterday was the first time that I had my bike stolen by a policeman. And no ordinary policeman, a policewoman, an Inspector; Inspector Corbett, Helen Corbett.

It’s a bit of a sad story. Yesterday I went to Wimbledon to watch a spot of tennis. I thought I’d ride my bike down and lock it up on a roadsign. Little did I know that Inspector Helen Corbett would decide to apply her anti-terrorist training to the situation and after positively identifying my bike as a potential bomb threat, decide it would be best if she broke my lock, take my bike away and park ‘the potential bomb threat’ next to the police station, so that in the event that it blew up, as many policemen and policewomen could be killed as possible.

Luckily Inspector Helen Corbett left a helpful sign up next to the place where she’d stolen my bike which informed me that my ‘unattended’ (no mention of the fact that it wasn’t so much unattended as it was locked up) bicycle had been removed to Wimbledon Police Station. So after a long walk, and a chat with a Policeman who told me it wasn’t his fault, it was Inspector Helen Corbett’s fault because she was scared of the IRA bombs, I got my bike bomb back.

Boombtastic.

Except, there’s still the issue of the broken lock. And apparently, when the Police steal things (like your locked bike), they can’t give you a crime reference number for your stolen bike and broken lock, they can only give you a piece of paper with Inspector Corbett’s name on. And that meant I then wasted ages trying to find out who Inspector Corbett was on Google.

So please Inspector Helen Corbett, can you give me a new bicycle lock, like the one you broke, so it doesn’t get stolen by the other people who steal bicycles? I’d like this one please

Thanks.

Join the discussion 6 Comments

  • Lambo says:

    Lets face the actual issue Ben. If there were to be a bomb threat, in a crowded place such as the Wimbledon tennis.. your bike would quite simply be IN THE WAY. If you call the non emrgency police number 03001231212, I’m sure Inspector Corbett would be happy to give you a call and explain this personally.

  • Ben Aston says:

    That’s not what the helpful police office told me at all. It was removed because Inspector Corbett decided it was a bomb threat!

  • Adam Bourne says:

    Incredible article, I wonder if she rode it to the police station as well?

    Oh well, at least she was kind enough to leave you a note! shame about your bike lock though, lol.

  • Razzibryan says:

    Right then, let me get this straight – you don’t think that people should be able to leave their bikes anywhere where there are other people around, just in case there is then a bomb threat? Idiot!!!

  • Rob Swan says:

    I think you need to consider yourself lucky they didn’t decide to blow it up in a controlled environment.

  • […] just a concept, but it’s probably going to be massive when the meeja get hold of it. Maybe even Inspector Corbett will ask me about it: she still hasn’t got in touch about breaking my bike lock the other […]

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