Monthly Archives

December 2008

A Bluebert Christmas

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bluebert’s new clothes, originally uploaded by benaston.

Bluebert is a whole new man/bike. Gone are the horrible drop handlebars that reeked of faded 70’s glory. In are the new customised straight handlebars which are so ’09. I use ‘customised’ in particularly generously – I lopped a bit off the length with my new ?3.99 Wilkinson hacksaw to optimise my streamlineness and more importantly, to look cool.

Combined with the new levers, grips and cables, all this might mean I’ll be able to stop at more traffic lights.


I am a tailor

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I am a tailor, originally uploaded by benaston.

The credit crunch has landed. To mark the occasion, I thought I should probably craft some celebratory cushions.

I’m not exactly a cushion expert, but I learnt a few valuable lessons along the way, which may be of assistance to those bidding their goodbyes to Tesco Finest and embracing a life of thrift.

Quackers – I went for duck feather cushions, and the biggest I could find – 91cm ?. They?re heavy. No surprises there, but the word on the street is polyester is portability.

Widths – When buying fabric, you’d be forgiven for thinking that it was all about square meterage. But no, you buy it in widths. So, asking for 3m x 2m was a bit of a faux pas. How embarrassing.

Zippage – For sewing machine novices, these are particularly difficult. The combination of tacking, pins and narrow seams make this a painful process. Put them on first, putting them on at the end is trop difficile.

Machining – Make sure the sewing machine is set up properly, if it’s not, you can waste hours wondering why the sewing machine is broken. It also helps if you double check what you’re sewing, so you don’t end up sewing two bits together that shouldn’t be. That saves hours of unpicking.

Mothers – Helpful when engaged appropriately, they know all kinds of things about sewing machines.

Cushions x 3 – ?44.04
Continuous zip – ?5.72
Fabric – ?45.54
Labour – ?85.95 (15hrs at the minimum wage)
Total – ?181.24

Take that crunch, credit.

Bananas bananas

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I am a straight banana, originally uploaded by benaston.

Not many bananas are straight, and they’re all the poorer for being so.

After enjoying a straight banana, I tried to get to the bottom of what made it so enjoyable. And so, here it is, a definitive explanation of why straight bananas are the thing for 2009.

1) They peel more evenly – you don’t get that pesky outside edge being longer than the inside curve
2) They tessellate more efficiently – definitely one for the mentalists(enviro), it means you can fit more bananas in a box
3) They are easier to eat – none of that pesky wrist strain

That’s it really, all because I got a straight banana.

Painting and decorating

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careful cake making, originally uploaded by benaston.

As you can see, I have been hard at work, trying to give our rather bland table, some texture and depth. I thought I’d start by experimenting with a particularly girly pink which has worked rather nicely.

This was only a sideshow of the more spectacular Christmas biscuit decorating event, which has been heralded as one of the best 1 Dcemember events around.

In a closely fought contest between Aston and Millson, in which no sweets were barred, Aston came top with his biscuit installation, ‘Porcupine’. Aston explained, “It’s a discourse on the clash of civilisations.”

Utter delicious rubbish.